i think my tv is drunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
