I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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