I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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