Me too!
im holly from the hills drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
