I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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