Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize