it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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