I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
