There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
