About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
