OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
