And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
