Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
