the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
