my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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