I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
