I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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