ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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