Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
