She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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