There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
