I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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