I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
