I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
