question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
