Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
