Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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