I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
