I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
