So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
