There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i think my cat just said my name.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
