you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
