just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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