I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
