I think I died a long time ago.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
