Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
