I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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