On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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