So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
