I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
