There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
