It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
