Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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