So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
