i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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