oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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