you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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