as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
