UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
