so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
