Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
