she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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