So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
