Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone owes me an orgasm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
