Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
