You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
