i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
