somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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