6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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