Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
