I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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