Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
