the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
