You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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