Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
