you guys were way drunker than both of me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
