saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I intend to get homeless drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
