I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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